SEVEN WAYS PREACHERS CAN ENCOURAGE ONE ANOTHER
Odd Interview Questions. “What?”
Ah, interviews. You never know what you are going to get into. Most every preacher has a ton of stories on them. They can be done right and they can be a train wreck. We asked: “What’s the oddest question you’ve ever been asked in an interview for a job with a church?” What follows are some of the most interesting answers we got (and maybe a few comments from us). And, then a crazy story of an interview I had. Remember, primary purpose of THIS post is just foolishness.
“Is your wife submissive to you?” (Uh, let’s see...I think she told me to answer that “yes.”)
Are you for Alabama or Auburn? (I’m not sure why the person that submitted this one thought it was an odd question! It’s obviously a vital question!)
I was asked to accept the work but keep it quiet because they had promised to try out other preachers. (“So, we’re going to lead with deceit?”)
I was timidly asked over the phone by one of the elders, you don’t have any racial things going on do you? (Huh?)
The most recent was "Which day of the week do you take off?" My response was "I thought I only worked one day a week!" 7 of the 8 elders laughed! (Well, played.)
Do you know the difference between Coastal Christians and Intercostal Christians? (“Hmmm? One baptizes in baptistries and the other in the ocean?”)
Did I vote in the last election? (“Did you?”)
What is your credit score? (I predict this will be a routine question in the not to distant future.)
Do you use ONLY the KJV? (“No, sometimes I preach out of the Greek text? Is that OK?”)
I was asked if I would be interested in mowing the lawn for the church building along with the lawn for the preacher's house. (Been there, done that.)
"What is your wife going to do?" I asked, "Why do you want to know? Are you going to pay her too?" (And, you didn’t get the job, right?)
Do you preach as good as Dale Jenkins. Just kidding. What is the least amount of money you will take to come to this church? (If I had a dollar for every time that first question was asked....I couldn’t buy a Krystal)
Do you play Golf? (“By ‘play’ what exactly do you mean?”) Side note, most every question asked, is the result of a past experience.
What is your view of the Masonic lodge. Asked from a Mason on the search committee. (“What is your view of the KKK?”)
On a scale of 1-10, how conservative are you? (“Your scale or Christ’s?”)
I was young, real young. The congregation did not have elders so they invited all the men into a room and for over 2 hours fired questions at me. Theological questions, practical questions, “how would you” questions. I have always loved Q&A time, so I was loving it.
Until. BIll asked: “Do you split the sex?” I was confused, stunned, totally unsure of what he meant. Well, he was an older man, maybe I misunderstood the question. “Would you repeat the question?” “Do you split the sex?” Maybe I was being set up, see how this quay handles himself on his feet, if we can trip him up. I paused...as long as I could. I thought, what could he mean?
In my mind I was thinking: “No, and that would be none of your business.”
Finally, Ronnie, said. “Brother Bill, I’m not sure I understand what you are asking.” Whew, I wasn’t the only one. He said, “Like, when you preach, do you split the sex. Do you call out the Baptists and Methodists? Do you split the sects?”
Some things sound different than they look!
And, everyone in the room had a relieved laugh.
What’s the oddest one you’ve been asked?
A Dozen Little Known
Proper etiquette is a funny thing. It doesn’t matter to you until you know it and then you can’t help but notice it. It is worth knowing because some who know it will judge you solely by it. I think the first time I realized that Melanie and I were with some very ‘highflauting” folks in Atlanta when we were fairly newly married and I was trying out for a job. After a ride past ‘the old home place” (a huge colonial mansion on a hill) we met with the elders and their wives for a meal (and a grilling). Before the meal I had warmed tomato juice with the men, while Melanie learned about instructing your “help” to not mix your fine silverware with your every day, a principle she has never broken, primarily because we don’t have both! At dinner as the patriarch sliced the prime rib and put it on each plate before passing it around they also shared bread and cute HUGE butter pats molded into the shape of magnolia blooms. Melanie took a roll and a part of one of the blooms, to which the woman of the house said “It is customary in our house to take the whole pat.” My sweet quiet wife told me later that she wanted to respond: ”It is customary in our house to only take what we need.” Over the last 40 years I have learned many such “rules” of etiquette. I continue to learn. Once they are in my head, they don’t want to leave. Some might be useful for some of you.
So here are a dozen not so well known rules of etiquette I have learned, some the hard way. over the years.
- Stand when a woman comes in the room: Most folks know this one. While feminist see this as an affront most women still appreciate the gentlemanly gesture.
- Do not pick up the dessert fork until the hostess has: I did not know this one until about five years ago. It will change the way you dive in. And if you are the hostess, take your fork and stick it in your dessert if you are serving so everyone else can enjoy your creation. An odd and confusing variant of this rule says that no one is to take a bite until a guest does.
- Do not extend your hand to a woman unless she extends her hand to you: This is somewhat antiquated but women who know it will appreciate your courtesy. Those who do not may be offended and think you are snobbish.
- Do not show the bottom of your shoes by crossing your leg where the bottom of your shoe points toward a person. I learned this one from an elder about 20 years ago. The idea is that one of the dirtiest parts of your clothing would be the bottom of your shoe. Who knows what you have stepped on or in.
- Do not extend your left hand: Sorry but this one is sort of gross but in India in especially poor areas and for years when people were less sanitary than today they would wipe with their left hand. So, yeah. Cured you of that one didn’t I?
- Don’t cough into your right hand: If you do then you share your cold or other germs with anyone who shakes hands with you.
- Don’t point at people: It is rude. Preachers should remember this too. I actually learned a workaround for this from President Bill Clinton back in 1988 when he was just gaining national recognition. He used a crooked finger to gesture with. It works. You might also consider using an open hand gesture.
- When walking with a woman, if at all possible walk on the outside of her: That will make it easier to open doors, etc. It also puts you closer to the street should a car run off or hit a puddle.
- Keep personal conversations and arguments off social networking sites: While these next two are more 21st Century you should know them. You will never win someone over to your side with a clever meme or what you believe to be a cute political comment.
- If you take a cell phone call in public, take it outside or to the side if possible. Better yet, just mute your cell phone and sit it aside during any meal (I’m not saying I keep all these).
- Remember that if you feel a need to respond immediately to every incoming text, you’ll lose more in the eyes of the person who’s in front of you than you’ll gain from the unseen people who are benefiting from your efficiency.
- Never call a woman who is wearing heels “older.” First, I didn’t. But I was told this by an upset older lady in heels (she was in her mid-80’s).
I bet I missed a million. Comment below and be nice: What rules have you learned that have helped you are you have laughed at.
A Superhero Without A Cape
"He made me realize that preachers are superheroes"
Don’t make it more than it is, but nearly 30 years ago I realized I had the ability to hypnotize people. Over the last three decades I’ve done many shows all over the world. Perhaps the one bit I do is when I tell those under hypnosis that they are a super hero of their own minds creation. They know their super hero name, enemy, purpose, and power. It’s interesting to hear what their minds create.
Super heroes. Superman, Spiderman, The Black Panther, Flash, Wonder Woman. They fascinate many of us.
I’ve spent the week with an unusual man. His humble gift of humility, his simple spirit, his servant heart and gentle (and often unsuccessful) humor are quickly seen. I asked him what he wanted to be when he was growing up. He said he wanted to be a superhero. He said it with a laugh. But the more i got to know him the more I began to understand. He is one. He doesn’t wear a cape and hang out in a fortress where he monitors world events to spot someone doing evil, it’s more than that. His superhero strength is love. I heard it as he talked with the church from the pulpit, and again as he gently heard the needs of the old, and there, when he laughed heartily at himself with the teens, then over there as he played with the children. It was clear when he dealt with the barista and the barber. Whether it was the spiritually healthy or those struggling with their own faith, his love for them shown brightly. Yeah, his cape was showing. He’s a superhero in disguise as a middle ages minister.
I’m not telling you his name, on purpose, he will know I’m writing about him. I suspect he is an average to slightly above average speaker, his lack of self-confidence and ongoing desire to grow and improve would reveal that. He doesn’t overwhelm you with talent, he’s not what you’d call suave, he’s really rather common on the surface.
And, may I state it clearly, that’s the way most of our ministers are. They are Clark Kent, Peter Parker, or Diana Prince … until. Watch carefully and you’ll spot it. Love. Care. Tenderness. Kindness. Defense of those hurting. Trying to make the way smooth for the struggling. They show up at the hospital of the hurting, the house of distress, the grave of the bereaved. They are there when the doc comes in with tragic news, when a spouse abandons their family, wherever failure stings or fatigue frustrates. Most of them don’t see themselves in this light. They feel more lacking than they are comfortable with. They could never see themselves in a human highlight loop. But there they are, showing up and doing, serving, caring. and yes, loving. Yep, you are my heroes. Thank you for using your true SUPER power, the Love of God!
Should ministers receive a W2, Misc 1099, both, or neither?
TJI Note: A few months ago we asked one of our best financial advisors, Dale Hubbert, to write some on the matter of churches who will not give W2's. Here is his excellent explanation. Feel free to share this with your elders, leaders, or treasurer.
by Dale Hubbert
The church is a considered a 501c (3) tax-exempt organization by the IRS but is not exempt from preparing the proper documents for those it pays. If a minister is considered an employee of the church the church should provide a W2 form at the end of the year. IRS Publication 15-A states that one is an employee if the church has the right to control what will be done and how it will be done. This is true even when the employee is given freedom of action. There are various additional considerations in determining if the minister is an employee but generally speaking if a minister “regularly” preaches for a congregation and his work is under the eldership/church leaders he is considered an employee and should receive a W2 form at the end of the year. His employment status is somewhat unique in that he is an employee for W2 purposes but treated as self-employed for social security purposes. Hence the W2 will look different from most others as there will be no social security or Medicare withheld and matched.
Churches that pay compensation equaling or exceeding $600 in a calendar year are required to provide a Misc 1099 form at the end of the year to the recipient. This would include payment for gospel meetings, special days, etc. Some ministers speak at various places and are not employees of any congregation. These men might receive a number of Misc 1099 forms at the end of the year. They should receive one from every place they received $600 or more. While there are more factors to consider that has been addressed in this short article it is unlikely that a minister should receive a Misc 1099 form from a congregation that he preaches regularly for and is a member of.
Minister compensation and reporting can be somewhat complicated and unfortunately, there are congregations that are not in compliance. Ignorance nor failure to comply in the past will not be an excuse should the church be called into question. That is one of the reasons that congregations and ministers need professionals to take care of these matters who are familiar with tax laws regarding churches and ministers.
Some, not so surprising, research
I have been doing some unscientific research lately. You will not be surprised at the results but they are probably a good reminder to all of us who are in ministry.
The last several times when speaking to groups of young people who are planning on going into ministry or too young men who have recently begun preaching I’ve asked them: “What has been the attitude that you have most seen out of the preachers who most impacted you when you were growing up to preach? What did you think of them? What made the biggest impact on you?
While as unscientific as can be, the responses almost universally have been: “I saw them as men who were joyful, I saw them as men who were happy, I saw them as people who were enjoyable to be around.”
We need to be reminded that those who influence young people to go into ministry most deal with the same pressures, problems, church difficulties, ministry frustrations, and life issues that most all of us deal with. They just have made a determinant decision to approach those obstacles differently, to approach life with joy in spite of challenges, and to be happy in spite of pressures going on around them.
I think it is a good reminder for all of us in dealing with anyone, but perhaps most especially with young people, that the attitudes we have about the church, about our work, about the brethren, or about ministry affects them. They notice. And the ministers who most exhibit a spirit of joy impact the future more. We may need to work harder to have a joyful disposition in the midst of difficulties. And with what certainly appears to me to be a shortage of capable ministers maybe our attention to our own attitudes will make a difference and excite more young people to be preachers or to go into ministry. I must confess I have not always done that but when I have I have influenced more young people for good. Approach your work with joy, intensity, excitement, and excellence. It will make a difference. Let’s remember that.
Axiom #24:
Axiom: The size of the audience does not correlate with the need of the audience.
Therefore give your best every time you stand up. Jesus preached before multitudes, but the Lord also went in to at least seven homes in our record of His ministry and served before that size group. Peter preached before thousands but he also went from house to house. The largest group I’ve ever spoken before was 12,000ish but recently I spoke to an audience of 24 and one responded to the Gospel. That one was as important as the 12,000. When I stood up to preach I did not know that young college student had never heard the Gospel. You never know who is in that audience. What’s the saying: “Anyone can count the seeds in an apple, but only God can count the number of apples in a seed.”
The fact is that you will not DO your best every time you teach or preach but you can GIVE your best. Yes there will be times when you don’t feel well, when you are exhausted, when you are frustrated, when you have self-doubt BUT stand, present, GIVE your best.
You never know the need in an audience based on the size of an audience. You never know who might be there, you never know if there is someone there who might have never heard the Gospel, you never know when you give your best before that small crowd what God might do with and through someone who is there. The most important audience you will ever preach before is the audience in front of you now!
Be God’s person, doing God’s Will, speaking God’s Word, with God’s passion, every time you speak.
Therefore give your best every time you stand up. Jesus preached before multitudes, but the Lord also went in to at least seven homes in our record of His ministry and served before that size group. Peter preached before thousands but he also went from house to house. The largest group I’ve ever spoken before was 12,000ish but recently I spoke to an audience of 24 and one responded to the Gospel. That one was as important as the 12,000. When I stood up to preach I did not know that young college student had never heard the Gospel. You never know who is in that audience. What’s the saying: “Anyone can count the seeds in an apple, but only God can count the number of apples in a seed.”
The fact is that you will not DO your best every time you teach or preach but you can GIVE your best. Yes there will be times when you don’t feel well, when you are exhausted, when you are frustrated, when you have self-doubt BUT stand, present, GIVE your best.
You never know the need in an audience based on the size of an audience. You never know who might be there, you never know if there is someone there who might have never heard the Gospel, you never know when you give your best before that small crowd what God might do with and through someone who is there. The most important audience you will ever preach before is the audience in front of you now!
Be God’s person, doing God’s Will, speaking God’s Word, with God’s passion, every time you speak.
Ryan, Jim, John, and Tom
Her name was Gertrude, she was in her 80’s when I got to know her. Her grandson would come to Nashville every summer and stay a couple of weeks with her. It was always during Vacation Bible School. Little Ryan invited his friend Jim to come with him. Jim, well, both Jim and Ryan loved VBS! It was the highlight of their summer. Jim grew up, he excelled in baseball and started going to church all the time. He obeyed the gospel. After baseball, he got a little startup job. An assistant trainer with one of the AAA farm clubs for the Braves, the Richmond Braves.
He visited The Church of Christ in Green Hills (at that time Granny White) one Sunday between college and starting his new job. On his attendance card, he wrote that he would be traveling on a bus with the team and some Sunday’s would not be able to attend worship with the church. He asked if we would send him the tapes of the services, GW in those days didn’t just send the sermon but the whole service, singing, prayers, everything. Who could resist his request?
Press Fast Forward. He did well. The kind of trainer that worked hard, knew his stuff, and the players just liked him. In a few years he became head-trainer for Richmond. A few more and he got “called up to the big show.” Atlanta.
A few more years and by this time we were sending out nearly 100 tapes a week. The elders decided to go to CDs. In making the changeover they had me write to everyone just to make sure they still wanted to be on the list. Jim wrote me back. He thanked me for including him, he sent a donation, and he said that many Sunday’s it was like a lifeline. Then he said that every week after he listened to the tapes he passed them on to one of his friends, John, who then passed it on to one of his, Tom. And that’s how John Smoltz and Tom Glavine listened to my preaching every week. And, that my friends is the impact of an invite to Vacation Bible School.
What’d you say about how VBS is just entertaining a few kids and it's not really worth the time and energy of doing it?
<*_* ^ *_*>
A recent Lifeway study indicated that the most likely church teaching activity that parents who do not go to church would be happy their children would go to is VBS
Bad Times?
I’ve blogged about AND included in one of my books some of the things that assure longevity in ministry. I’d like to use the word “success” but something about that word just feels dirty in the context and what some would think is meant by it. But regardless of how we package it we need to investigate how to help guys coming into ministry to stay in it is possible. An additional but vital one occurred to me.
A while back I was watching a congregation that I know to be going through major conflict. They have a couple of folks who are pushing ideas that are not in any way healthy for the Lord’s People and that are divisive in nature. It has created discomfort in the leadership as to the best way to approach it and even some apparent division as to IF to approach it.
In preparing for the engagement I went on their website to see where my assigned lesson fit in with the larger series. It was not simple to find so I had to go back four or five weeks to see the larger theme. As I read the minister’s words each week in the bulletin, highlighting the good, commending those who were serving, and encouraging faith, faithfulness and service, I was impressed with his optimism. Knowing what I know, knowing the struggle, knowing that all is not well, he chooses to focus on the good. He has decided to see the better inspire of the difficult.
It may be difficult to hear, but those who seem to always struggle seem to dwell on the difficult, muddle through ever mess, plod through every problem.
And it occurs to me that this is in fact what happens with every highly effective minister. They preach, pray for, and plan toward what can be and promote what is - good. I know some of you won't accept this reality but that guy who seems always to have it together and his work always seems to go swimmingly - he faces most of the same challenges the other ministers do.
So, want to do well in ministry? Foster the ability to see the finest even in the frustrating times.
Signed Up
Jesse Itzler, who wrote the NBA song, “I love this game” talks about a conversation he had with uber-successful entrepreneur Lewis Katz. Jesse was complaining about the process he had to go through to get his demo tapes of songs out to radio stations and to producers and Katz said: “Jesse, this is what you signed up for.”
I don’t know about you but I sometimes need to be reminded of that.
If there are elders who are imperfect and sometimes see things differently than I do, I signed up for this. Members who do not like my approach, preaching, work, habits, hair, I signed up for this. Not making as much money as my peers who work less hours, I signed up for this. Not enough hours to get everything done, yet members who believe we only work one day a week, I signed up for this. Striving to keep unity in a local church in a culture that maximizes division over the slightest difference, I signed up for this. The relentless occurrence of Sundays, I signed up for this. The struggle to rightly divide the Word and to declare the whole Counsel of God, I signed up for this. People have misquoted me and impugned my motives, I signed up for this. And when they do any of the above I am just beginning to identify with my Lord and should feel honored for that opportunity (Acts 5:41).
Let me be clear, we all hurt and get hurt at times and at times need to vent. In fact, feel free to vent to us anytime you need to, BUT my caution here is: don’t let your mourning turn to moaning. And, we’d do better in the long run, and do more eternal good, and stay in this “field of work” longer if we determine not to be shocked or overreact to mean people, evil people, or even opposing people, even if they are brethren. This won’t stop the pain, but it will shorten the bleeding.
“For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps” (1 Peter 2:20-21).
Challenge Others to Be...
NOTE: This is much longer than we normally publish but it is my hope you will find several useful nuggest herein. dj).
James A. Garfield is special to many of us who preach because he was a preacher in the churches of Christ. Major General Garfield was a Union officer during the tragic War Between the States. His troops were stationed outside of Mooresville, AL in July of 1861 and he, in a letter to his wife, indicated that the brethren had invited him to preach. He did.
What many do not realize is that a large number of people in the south strongly objected to slavery and refused to fight, to give up citizenship, and sent delegates to the convention to vote against succession. For instance in Alabama in 1860 there were roughly a million people living in the state. About 45% were slaves. Most were not in North Alabama (for example in Winston County there were about 3,500 people living in there and only about 120 slaves most owned by 3 men). Most tend to think all southerners were slave owners, vile or at least in favor of slavery. The fact is many members of the churches of Christ vocally opposed slavery. When the convention was held to vote on succession the vote was 61%-39% with most opposition coming from northern Alabama. Many Christians lost life, home and all because of their helping slaves and refusing to take up arms.
Back to Garfield: In 1880 he went to Republican Convention to nominate John Sherman (Secretary of the Treasury and brother to General Sherman of Civil War fame) to be the candidate for President. Garfield was considered the most eloquent man in Congress and to have him give the nominating speech was a big win for Sherman. In a very split convention with several candidates no one emerged as a leader. On the 34th vote over a two day period Garfield received two shocking votes. On the 35th ballot apparently some thought this was a good idea and he received 50 votes. Garfield loudly protested that he did not come to have his name put forward. He was ignored in his pleas to have it removed and on 36th ballot he got 399 votes MORE than enough to win the nomination to be the Republican candidate for President. To unite the party Chester Allen Arthur was put forth as the Vice Presidential Candidate. Garfield won. It is reported that as he left Ohio and the church where he served as an elder he said “I step down from the highest office on earth to assume the Presidency.
Garfield took the oath of office on March 3, 1881 and served 4 months before he was shot on July 2 on a train platform to take his first trip out of D.C. The wound, while severe was not life-threatening and he probably would have recovered and lived out a normal life but numerous doctors (12 or more) probed the wound trying to find the bullet. They did this with unsterilized hands which led over time to infection. The whole country waited by newspaper offices for any updates. They would be posted about 2 to 3 times a day with wildly differing news from one to the next. Within hours of the shooting he was sitting up, talking and writing letters. He even made a trip out of the White House at some point to the beach. But as he continued to be an experiment for the doctors his condition worsened and he died Sept 19, two and a half months after he was shot.
The country was in mourning but not JUST over the death of the President. THERE was another drama going on. Much of the country did not want Arthur as their president and even his friends doubted he had the integrity to put together a good administration.
Few people today know much of anything about President Chester A. Arthur. He did a lavish update on the appearance of the White House. He was a widower who deeply loved his wife and kept a picture of her by his bed until the day he died. He dressed very stylishly and because of that he was called “The Dude President.”
But what was most know about him when he became Vice-President was that he was a corrupt politician. He was known for back room deals and his reputation was that he made decisions that benefited himself and his cronies. In fact, President Rutherford B. Hayes had fired him from his job in the New York House of Customs for corruption. He was part of the Stalwarts who were notable for being deeply corrupt. But something happened along the way.
In fact Alexander McClure would write at the end of Arthur’s presidency, "No man ever entered the Presidency so profoundly and widely distrusted as Chester Alan Arthur, and no one ever retired ... more generally respected, alike by political friend and foe."
What happened?
When his son Allen died in 1937 his son, President Arthur’s grandson, Chester Allen Arthur III inherited 1,800 documents by and about his grandfather. For about 4 to 5 decades these documents had been locked in a bank vault. But III found a massive treasure when he began to sort through them. 23 letters from a before unheard of lady named Julia Sand. Arthur III placed an add in the New York Herald Tribune to see if he could find any of her relatives, if she had any. He heard from one of her nephews, Paul Rosier, who was living our his retirement in Miami Beach. Rosier told Arthur III about his aunt Julia. About the lively political discussions she would have. And Rosier remembered one night, August 5, 1882, when the President paid a surprise visit to the house. They were amazed!
Though she had never been to DC, never been involved in any politics, and never met Garfield or Arthur (or anyone else of note) it is believed she played a profound influence on Arthur’s life and presidency.
Here is her first letter she wrote to Arthur just days after the President had been shot.
“ The hours of Garfield's life are numbered – before this meets your eye, you may be President. The people are bowed in grief; but – do you realize it? – not so much because he is dying, as because you are his successor. What president ever entered office under circumstances so sad?…
The day [Garfield] was shot, the thought rose in a thousand minds that you might be the instigator of the foul act. Is not that a humiliation which cuts deeper than any bullet can pierce?
Your kindest opponents say 'Arthur will try to do right' – adding gloomily – 'He won't succeed though making a man President cannot change him.'…But making a man President can change him! Great emergencies awaken generous traits which have lain dormant half a life. If there is a spark of true nobility in you, now is the occasion to let it shine. Faith in your better nature forces me to write to you – but not to beg you to resign. Do what is more difficult & brave. Reform! It is not proof of highest goodness never to have done wrong, but it is proof of it, sometimes in ones career, to pause & ponder, to recognize the evil, to turn resolutely against it…. Once in awhile [sic?] there comes a crisis which renders miracles feasible. The great tidal wave of sorrow which has rolled over the country has swept you loose from your old moorings & set you on a mountaintop, alone.
Disappoint our fears. Force the nation to have faith in you. Show from the first that you have none but the purest of aims.
You cannot slink back into obscurity, if you would. A hundred years hence, school boys will recite your name in the list of presidents & tell of your administration. And what shall posterity say? It is for you to choose….” — Julia Sand
Julia was 31 years old. As far as we know Arthur never wrote her back. She continued to write. Sand would refer to herself as the President's "little dwarf", an allusion to the idea that in the President’s big “royal court," only the dwarf would have the courage to tell the truth to him.
America's lack of faith in Arthur had inspired her to attempt to inspire him.
On September 19, 1881 President Garfield died and Arthur was sworn in as the U.S. President. The next letter from Sand came September 25, 1881. She wrote in part: "You are a better & nobler man, due to the manner in which you have borne yourself through this long, hard ordeal."
She believed in him. Determined to speak truth and better things into his life, strove to inspire him to be his best self.
And, apparently it deeply affected him. He began civil service reform, he placed several black men in roles of leadership in his administration. He became a much better president than most anyone would have imagined. He refused to appoint people based on the corrupt spoils system.
In 1882 she wrote to him: “Do you feel flattered how awfully surprised [people] are, whenever you do anything good. Well, go on surprising them. But I am never surprised because I expect it of you. If you had done otherwise, I should have been dismally disappointed.” And Julia slipped back into the woodwork. She was a virtual recluse, wrote a few articles for magazines, was sickly, never married and were it not for these 23 letters and Arthur’s grandson outside her family no one would even know of her.
I write all of this because in a very real sense this is what we as ministers are trying to do. We are trying to get people to see what they can be in Christ, to help them be better, to see what their better self would do. To challenge them beyond what they have become through sin. We work in obscurity. But God knows. And we will affect some, some we may never even know we are impacting. Let me encourage and challenge you to keep on. Keep on believing in what God can do through others, that they can be more and better and do great things as they live for Him.
Sources:
The Unexpected President: The Life and Times of Chester A. Arthur, by Scott S. Greenberger
The Assassination of President James Garfield: The History and Legacy of the President's Death by Charles River Editors
http://www.therestorationmovement.com/ (Thanks Scott Harp for this great site)
Wikipedia pages on Election of 1880, Chester Arthur, and James Garfield
6 Steps When Elders Do Not Keep Their Promises…
Let’s face it, sometimes there are significant differences in what a preacher and an eldership believe they have agreed upon or the duration of said agreement. Even if it becomes more toxic than tenable both parties WANT to be or at least say they want to behave as Christians. I hate to admit it but I have seen both ministers and elders stretch that beyond credibility. Please notice, this is the exception, it is rare, most times both try to and do deal with each other without a massive breakdown. But how do you handle it when it doesn't work out.
Be careful: The Bible is clear that it’s a mighty big thing to accuse an elder (1 Timothy 5:19). I know there is a ton of emotion involved when one is hurt by a congregation or her leaders. That, by itself, should be a warning for us to proceed with caution. I find when I act out of emotion I am more prone to act rashly and foolishly. I’d advise seeking counsel and wisdom from godly people ANYTIME your emotions are running high and then to proceed without speed.
Be aware: ALL elders and elderships are human. If an elder could not make a mistake he would be perfect and there was only One who fills those shoes. There would also not be a pattern given to receive (i.e. hear) accusations if there were never a possibility there could be one. A few items must be suggested here. Just because you CAN bring an accusation, does not mean you SHOULD bring one. Some of us in ministry seem to hold elders in such a position that we set ourselves up for disappointment. We are fine, and amen, the concept that elders can sin and can make mistake until such a mistake involves us or our family is hurt by the mistake. Sometimes we should be willing to just take a loss.
Be certain: Anytime an agreement is entered in between you and an eldership be certain to put everything thing down in writing. This is NOT a matter of trust but of reality. Sometimes we all forget what has been agreed upon. When presenting it, put it on yourself not them. It is also true that sometimes there are changes in an eldership, I’ve had a complete turnover in my eldership since coming here. Finally, a document in writing helps clarify what is being said. If you did not get one when you started then you should suggest one as soon as possible. Even if your elders do not acknowledge it, write down as best you can honestly remember what was promised, agreed upon.
Find a brother: If your elders do not acknowledge what they promised or will not live up to what they promised there are only two legitimate possibilities. One you can seek out a brother both parties trust and strive in Christian love to arbitrate. See if a workable conclusion can be met.
Move on: With all of that said, if there appears to be no solution there is really only one suggestion. Move on. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it will cost you greatly. Yes, it is sinful on their part. But you really have no choice. The Bible prohibits you from taking them to court and that would only give the church a black eye anyway. So, write out clearly where you feel you have been wronged, give a copy to the elders and let them know you are moving on because you do not want to do any harm to the local church. And, I know you want to argue with me on this, but you will only do harm to the local body if you do otherwise.
Move on: Part two. Pray for your own heart and spirit that you not become bitter. Learn what you can from the experience what you might do different in the future to avoid this again and throw it in the ocean and move on. Remember it is only when we suffer when we do good that we get to most deeply identify with Christ (1 Peter 3:8-22).
Bless you brothers. Our long and vast experience has shown that our brothers and their families in ministry are some of the most gracious, long-suffering and humble people on earth. Even if that is not rewarded or recognized here, it is recognized WHERE it matters, THERE!
Feel free to post your additions below.
Thoughts On The Billy Graham Rule
I had never heard it called “The Billy Graham Rule” until a couple of years ago. It went into effect in Modesto, California in 1948 when Graham and his traveling evangelist friends determined there needed to be some guidelines to help them avoid the scandal that many in that field have had their lives ruined by. It covered not only interactions with women, but also integrity with respect to finances and dealings with churches. From that time forward Graham made a point of not traveling, meeting, or eating alone with a woman other than his wife. It’s made the news several times lately, most recently as the President of the Southern Baptist Convention had a major moral fall that led to his embarrassing resignation.
The BGR probably actually went most main-stream during the vetting of the present Vice-President. Then candidate Mike Pence was eviscerated by the left and some on the right politically because he refuses to meet with women in private. Some indicating that over 1/2 the population is automatically excluded from having a “one-on-one” conversation, indicating how unfair that was/is. One lawyer even suggested it was so misogynistic that when applied to workplace dinners, it could be illegal labor discrimination under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.
It has been the left who has cried most loudly and mocked it the most. Lately though their voices on the matter have been more muted with the many disgraces involved in the “me too” movement. You have to wonder what big name is next? Yet, is anyone at all really shocked when those who have flirted, have merchandised in sex and parlayed in power are found out to be malicious in their sexual lives and activities. Perhaps most interesting is that for years these media magnets have loudly led the cries that it doesn’t really matter what one does in their own sexual lives, that character doesn’t really matter.
Guess what if these folks had followed the Billy Graham/Mike Pence Rule we would not be where we are today with most all of them. I’m not saying there would be no abuse, ungodly folks will find a way to do ungodly things, BUT many would not have been in such a setting if others lived by such a rule.
With more women in ministry and filling the role of “pastor” in denominations and with the cultural phenomenon of LGBTQIAPK (or whatever this week’s alphabet soup for sin is) some are questioning who, if anyone, we can, as ministers meet with and what, if any, guidelines we should have. I am going to stick my toe in the discussion.
I would suggest first off that there is no cookie-cutter solution. That is not to suggest that one should casually set whatever guidelines they wish to set. In fact, if a guideline looks too severe there may be reasons to give yourself pause to consider why that guideline seems too much. I would suggest that an individual must strive to know themselves and to be honest about their level of strength. This might be especially difficult early in ministry so I would surmise to be more strict on yourself than less. Better to err on the side of caution than to have your ministry ruined.
Here are some of my personal rules of conduct:
1. Melanie and I have no secrets from each other. Period. If there is something you are afraid to tell your spouse then that may be the very area the devil will play in. When it comes to counseling I am NOT a professional counselor and I always let the person(s) I am counseling know that. I try to not share any information with my spouse that may make her think less of another person. In those situations I will just tell her we need to be praying for _____.
2. Anytime I EVER counsel a woman I call or text my spouse both before and after the session.
3. My spouse has open access to any of my accounts and to my computer/cell phone at any and all times. If I have a social media, bank account, or any other I would be ashamed or afraid for her to have complete access to that would be a sign I should not have such an account.
4. I tell Melanie ANYTIME I am ever alone with any woman.
5. If I am ever attracted to another woman who I might be counseling with I will immediately stop meeting with that person. I do want to say here that I can think a person is pretty, handsome, etc without being attracted to them.
6. If I have hire a secretary Melanie gets complete veto power in such a hire.
7. If I have a secretary in the office I will counsel other women in my office (see next guideline), if I do not I will not.
8. If I am counseling a woman in my office my secretary has explicit instruction to interrupt the session every 15 minutes (i.e. Bring me a cup or water, something to sign, ask a question about a project, anything, etc). I tell the person I am counseling she will be doing that. That protects both of us AND is designed to discourage one who might falsely accuse me.
9. I have required that every office door I have had the last 31 years have a window in it. Two places they have has to install one.
10. I will only speak with respect of Melanie. I use her name, ours often (with permission if needed). This keeps her “in the room,” at the front of my mind, and the other person aware of the place she has in my life.
11. I don’t talk to ANYONE about our sex life! Period.
12. I pray and strive to remember that I am still human.
I’m certain I left a few things out but perhaps this will help others with some possibilities. I try to remember that a lifetime of good can be destroyed in a moment and possibly even from a malicious accusation, so strive to be above the accusation as much as possible. I also try to remember I will stand before God for my actions. Feel free to add your thoughts below.
25 Tips to help you Capitalize Intentionally on Days Where you Know there will be a lot of guests:
Jeff and Dale put together 25 thoughts to help you think about capitalizing on special days. We hope they are useful. Feel free to add your on in the comments section below.
- Put your best foot forward: Whatever that foot happens to be. Don’t put the mean guy in the pulpit to make announcements, lead a prayer, etc (if you don’t know what I mean by that, you are probably him).
- Wear name tags: This will help members occasionally to. In any group of more than 50 there will be those who don’t/can’t remember some of the names. I’d suggest you have people who write well AND large to fill out the name tags.
- Don’t single them out: Who wants to be singled out when they are in an unfamiliar environment. Don’t do it.
- Try to have some fun: You are trying to open their heart to the most important of decisions, don’t overdo it with humor, but nothing breaks down barriers like a little laugh.
- Strategically place your most engaging volunteers and have them on the lookout for guests - Have extra greeters and ushers. Simply put, be ready.
- Before they arrive, encourage your members to invite a guest to lunch: Even if they say “no” the invite will be remembered. You might even have folks volunteer to do this in advance and then you or ushers filter the guests in their direction. Do this comfortably and not creepily!
- Do something special: For instance, forget the argument over Easter and what we ought to make of it or not make of it. The FACT is you will have guests that day. Make the most of it. Most of them will be there with family or as a family. Why not set up a photo background and offer to make or allow them to snap a picture. BONUS: If you take the pic, email them a copy, you can then use that email to send them a “thanks for being our guest” followup.
- Figure out a way to get their names and contact info: Offer to send them a copy of something helpful from the sermon, a link to a free book on parenting, an events calendar.
- Try to connect them with someone in the same life-stage or similar situation: Help connect people with people.
- Do nothing special: Every week is special for God’s People, but if you KNOW you are having guests at your home you do something special (mow the yard, put out a few flowers, tidy up, have a special meal, etc), learn from that.
- Don’t be mean: Why would we be mean, snarky, or condescending to guests? They may be lost. You WANT them saved! Be the right aroma.
- Do not deal with Church Family Issues: This is not the Sunday to announce bad news, fire the associate, “deal with some pressing issue.” It can wait a week.
- Preach the Gospel: Remembering the Gospel is in-exorbitantly Good News, don’t let them leave without hearing that Good News.
- Tell what is next: Give them a reason to want to come back. An upcoming class, series, event.
- Clean up: You don’t see it. Junk is hard to see if you see it every week. Clean it up.
- Check your signage: Is it up to date, clear, legible, helpful?
- Check your language YOU: “This afternoon we will have a CIA meeting to get ready to go to L2L. And don’t forget PtP coming up in a few months.” YOUR GUESTS: “What have I stumbled into?” Try to imagine what it would be like to be a guest and hear what is said.
- Give a welcome: Preacher, even if you ‘go up firing’ right into your sermon, YOU find a time and a place and a way to be gracious and thank guests for coming.
- Ask them what you can pray about for them: We have found that people love to have others praying for them. Offer to pray, give them an outlet to share their prayer concerns
- Do something for kids: Few things make an impression like caring for kids in big and sincere ways.
- Set up a Bible study!!! Every soul counts. Cleaning up, putting your best foot forward, caring for their kids, all the planning and welcoming: It’s sort of all a waste if at some point someone doesn’t offer them a chance to learn more.
- Sing songs that are either well known or easy to pick up on: On THAT Sunday sing at least one or two EVERYONE knows. Bring out Amazing Grace, Jesus Loves Me,” etc.
- Be intentional about follow up!
When Right Can Be Wrong?
It has become en vogue to talk about what is and is not a fellowship issue or if a matter is a heaven or hell matter. A serious study of scripture would reveal that historically Christians tend to be reactionary toward those things that they simply do not like. It seems often we end up striving to make theological arguments (Bible arguments) based more upon our likes or dislikes than serious investigation. The root of this is not bad. It reveals our respect for (high view of) Scripture. For we correctly believe if we can show Bible evidence in support of or opposition to a matter that will settle it. This has led to such illogical leaps as “one cup” or, “no eating in church buildings,” (based oddly upon a misapplication of 1 Corinthians 11:22, in a book where Paul mentions “Aquila and Prisca, together with the church in their house” 1 Corinthians 16:19. To follow the argument to it’s logical conclusion Aquila and Prisca could not eat in their own house). This also led to the version arguments of the ’70’s and 80’s. So much so that on a mission trip I took some Russian Bibles to Russia and one potential donor would only give money if it was translated from the KJV. It was translated from the Greek.
Of course if you cannot get your way with a buttressed biblical argument there is always the “it may not be wrong but it is not expedient” path. The challenge often is to allow what you may not believe to be expedient to be practiced by others who do believe it to be so. Because expediency is a matter of opinion, else Paul would have either circumcised both Timothy and Titus or neither Timothy nor Titus. What is expedient in one location may not be in another and what is not expedient in one congregation may not be in another.
Any matter that is not a matter of black or white, settled law, is a matter of expediency. Of course the problem is determining what is or is not a matter of black or white. My experience says that if we hold the view strongly we will fight to make it a mater of black or white, even wresting (though we’d never admit it) the scriptures to do so. But this article is not about that.
It does seem a polarizing mentality has developed. To one extreme an over zealous caution that paralyzes and terrorizes the Christian and therefore the church. We can’t do anything for fear of doing the wrong thing. We might as well bury our talent in the sand. On the polar extreme exits just as dogmatic, an insensitive approach that our freedom/liberty must be exercised to every degree. It is that extreme that I want to devote some time to.
I would like to state clearly, I believe the practice called “social drinking” to be sin. I do not believe there is anyway a Christian can justify drinking with others just for the fun of it or to be sociable. I do not drink and do not ever intend to in any setting, public or private. But as much as I would like to, I will not argue with the text and do not believe it is a sin to take a drink in every setting. The argument that the alcohol was of a different nature in the Bible does not hold water. And, yes, I understand that the alcohol content was different but it could make one drunk, else there would be no prohibitions against drunkenness. I will not argue against the Text of God’s Word.
That said there are things that could make that which is not intrinsically wrong - wrong.
- For a Christian to break the laws of the land in doing that which might not be sinful in itself would make it wrong. For example it is not sinful to drive your car over 30 miles an hour, but if the speed limit is 20 it would be wrong to snub that law.
- A second thing that would make a matter that is not sinful, sinful would be to go against the expressed authority of your eldership. It would not be sinful to “serve communion” without a tie on, but if the elders said that men who wait on the table have to wear a tie, it would be wrong to ignore that authority.
- An action that causes a brother to lose their faith by your practicing it would be sinful. Caveats on this one would be to remember this would be a weaker/younger in their faith Christian, not someone who is just being cantankerous. But to do that which is not necessarily wrong to the destruction of that person’s faith would be both mean and sinful.
- Fourth, an action that would violate your own conscious would become sinful.
- Finally that which would harming your reputation would be wrong. Each of these five can be tricky but this one is the slipperiest. In fact this one can be used against you. Some would try to use this against you to keep you from doing anything they personally don’t like. So, examine your own heart carefully.
We are blessed with liberty as Christians but let us guard our liberty carefully and only use it for good and for God.
Screen Time Parental Control, App Review
by Dustin Murphy, springhillmurphy@gmail.com
Screen Time Parental Control is an app that parents will love and kids (at least mine) will hate! This is a full-featured, screen time monitoring app for iOS and Android, including Kindle.
With this app, parents can not only remotely monitor a child’s screen time but also set daily time limits and other restrictions. For instance, you can set a daily use limit for M-F and another for the weekend. When the daily limit is reached, the apps on the device will not be usable. However, you can exclude apps from this limit, such as messaging and phone apps, or the Bible app for instance. Also, the app includes ‘tasks’ that the child can choose to complete to earn extra time, such as clean your room for 15 more minutes, or 1hr outside play for 30 more minutes…it’s up to you! There is a bed-time/lights out setting that shuts down the device regardless of remaining time, and a bedtime end time that allows you to control when they can start in the morning.
With Screen Time, you can see usage per app so that you know which apps are being used the most. And the best way to get your child’s attention? The ‘pause’ feature! Tap the pause button, and they are instantly, temporarily, locked out. Add a message to the “pause” notice that they receive, and no more yelling upstairs to come to dinner! I really can’t say enough about this app, but I love that all of this is customizable per child, so your teenager can have different limits than your 8 yr old. 😊
If you’re looking for a screen time monitoring solution for your family, look no further than Screen Time.
Closed Captioning (guest post)
More and more congregations are offering "live streaming" and this week we got a question about closed captioning for such. So we went to our go-to source for all things audio/visual, Dennis Washington at ProChurchVideo.
Here's what we learned (with a jump to his site)...
Twice in the past two weeks I’ve been asked about closed captioning options for churches who live stream their worship services. The short answer is that options are available, but costs and/or the lack of perfection may be too risky for many churches.
First off, a quick background on my experience with closed captioning: I worked at a TV station in Birmingham, Alabama, for nearly 20 years. The FCC requires TV stations to close caption their content, regardless of whether it’s live or pre-recorded. As a result, TV stations spend thousands of dollars each year to hire people to transcribe breaking news and severe weather coverage. I was never one of those transcribers, but I was involved in the management process to make sure that happened.
In 2009, my congregation started closed captioning our weekly TV show.
READ THE REST, http://denniswashington.tv/blog/closed-captioning-options-for-live-streaming/
To Whom Should We Gear Our Preaching?
My friend Jacob Evans pulled me into a question with Jim Gardner about focusing our preaching to millennials, or boomers, etc. It does seem that some "innovations" are being advocated so we can "reach" a specific group. Incidentally, there's not a minute of newest or novelty to that.
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To Whom should We Gear Our Preaching?
- ...preach to children, adults should be able to figure the Bible out on their own.
- ...preach to 10-12 year olds, more people obey the Gospel during those ages than any other.
- ...preach to teens, they have a lifetime of energetic service ahead of them.
- ...preach to young adults, when they are getting married and having kids they really begin to get serious about the future.
- ...preach to middle-aged people, they are at the height of their leadership potential and earning potential.
- ...preach to retirees, they have more disposable income than any other group and are making financial decisions that can dramatically affect the local work of the church.
- ...preach to the oldest members, they are at the end and need to be ready to meet the Lord soon.
Just preach to souls! Every living being has one, our mission is to sow the Seed!
Preacher Penalties
What if there were officials when we preached? Preacher Penalties, with an assist or three from James Hayes and Andy Connelly
Targeting - Going after a specific individual who you are in conflict within a sermon.
Offsides - Preaching on something you have not prepared to speak on.
Delay of game - Not stopping when you’ve said all you need to say. Just taking up time unnecessarily.
Clipping - Using someone else’s sermon material without giving them credit or asking them if you can use it.
Encroachment - Trying to preach a sermon that you do not have the influence to preach.
Equipment violation - Making what you wear more important that it should be (just in case you miss it this can be done with any clothing).
False start - Preaching without praying first.
Substitution infraction - Putting in a story that has nothing to do with the lesson just because you think it might have some effect or salvage an otherwise bad sermon.
Personal Foul, Unsportsmanlike conduct—Not practicing what you preach.
Illegal shift - Changing subjects in the middle of the sermon (“chasing rabbits”).
Roughing the Passer - Unfairly bad-mouthing the guy who passed the pulpit on to us; the previous preacher.
Illegal use of hands - Unnecessary gesticulation, or mimicking the gestures of your favorite preacher(s).
Horse Collar Infraction - Dragging someone down from behind their back (otherwise known as gossip: typically appears when a preacher says, “We need to pray for…” But really means “I want to tell you about what they’ve done but I don’t want it to sound like gossip.”
Intentional grounding - Not preaching what you need to preach because you fear the criticism you’ll receive from certain members after the sermon.
What would you add?
My “Word” and The Story Behind it
About 15 years ago I determined as a minister to write from the heart. Before you jump to quick I need to be clear, that does not mean I let my heart trump God’s Word, it just means I decided it would be OK to be honest about my emotions in ministry. I still hold back at times - I don’t want to be an open sore or a whiner - but I have found that I am not as nearly as odd as I thought in my ministry and that my transparency has helped others.
For some reason, I have to write. It helps my soul and pushes me to be better when I put it in words. When I hurt I write from my hurt (not in anger but in processing and trying to figure out how to be what I know I want to be), and that is when more people are moved by my writing. So maybe I need more pain in my life to help more people. I try to be transparent and “cautious” in writing when in pain. And I want to avoid bitterness. I tried a bitterness suit on one time and it didn’t look good on me.
I was happy to usher 2017 out the door. In some ways, it was the most emotionally difficult year of my life. I had a dream and passion that I had held onto for five years disintegrate without explanation and felt betrayed, useless, purposeless, and with no energy for anything (thankfully, I had prayed before it all happened and I trust the Lord and already have some new dreams). Four very close family members dealt with deep hurt and disappointment too and their pain added to my pain. A member of the church I preach for attacked me very publicly and tried to get me fired (thankfully, my elders love me and the church provided me more encouragement than I deserve). I put over 40 pounds back on of what I had lost. It was a difficult year.
Five years ago, through my son Andrew, I ran across the little book One Word That Will Change Your Life. The idea was to ditch resolutions and pick a word that you would try to live that year. It’s been exciting each year. One year it was the word Prepare, another it was Present, and still another it was Positive. This year my word is…well, let me come back to it.
Are you aware that Michael Jordan’s career NBA field goal shooting percentage was 50.5% and Lebron James is 50.3%? For this year the college team with the highest average percentage is Virginia Tech at 53%. High school is harder to figure but it is considered to be 30-35%. That means that even the best shooters miss about 1/2 of all the shots they take.
Press rewind about 40 years. I was a basketball fanatic at little Jefferson Christian Academy. I was in 10th grade and believed I would someday play in the NBA. Now, in 9th grade, I’d played Varsity and our team had won a total of, well, one game. We weren’t good. I think it was the year before that we’d gotten beat 101-1, but that’s another story. The summer of ’78 my parents figured out a way to scrape enough money together to send me to Alabama Christian College’s summer basketball camp. I was about 5 foot 7. I met an old coach, Coach Gordo. They had split us into groups and then we would move from station to station receiving instruction in the fundamentals of the game from different coaches. Coach Gordo was the one teaching rebounding. He said: “The shortest guy on the court can out-rebound the tallest guy. It takes two things positioning and hard work.” He pointed at the tree of a guy in our group and then at me and said: “Let me show you.” And, he changed my basketball life. He taught me how to rebound. And sure enough, I could by hard work and getting in the right position out-rebound that guy. Over the next couple of years, I moved from guard to forward and even played center some. I took it as a personal challenge to match up against the tallest player on the other team, not because I was a better or more athletic player but I would outwork him and could get in the right position. And, even though there were several players taller than me, I led my team in rebounding.
2017 was a tough year. And my word for 2018 is “rebound.” I will work hard and position myself to do and be the things I need to do and be to help, with faith, this year be better.
So, what’s your word?